Day 17 WITHOUT Effexor and why won't these aches go away?

I woke up this morning with a good attitude and a clear mind, both of which will help me today as I have a few phone calls to return, and a lot of miscellaneous chores to accomplish along with my work.

My plan was to go to the gym today too, and I still may do that, but I have been bothered by another problem that has just recently surfaced (within the last week anyway), and that is the fact that I am achy, and I woke up feeling it again this morning.

My lower back bothers me the most, but my legs, and even my feet hurt too. Has anyone else had this ACHY feeling? I attributed it to the “flu-like” feeling people wrote about experiencing during withdrawal but is this what its like?

Hopefully, it will go away long enough for me to get a few things done and
I really hope it’s not another “after-effect” of Effexor...

beach-lover@verizon.net
read and sign the EFFEXOR PETITION

Day 35 Since Starting The Taper and Day 16 WITHOUT Effexor

I thought by now I would be back to my normal self...after 2 weeks...well, I guess can say I am much much better than I was that 1st week of withdrawal and even better now than the second, but why am I not “back to normal?”

I am still having:
brain zaps, (mostly in the afternoons now),
sudden bouts of crying,
some short term memory loss,
vision problems,
the problem of “swishing” in my head when I turn or raise it too quickly,
headache,
nausea,
vivid dreams,
bouts of extreme hunger,
dry mouth and dehydration, (at night only),
and trouble focusing long enough to make a decision.

Case in point regarding the focusing problem and decision making...I was shopping today and I picked up several items as I went up and down the isles. As I walked further I would stop and think about each one and gradually I was changing my mind and putting each of them back. When I got up to the counter to pay, I had hardly any items left to purchase! (Great way to save money but...It was exhausting to have done all that shopping and then to have placed so many items back and to have come home without some which I really did need.) All this because I just couldn’t decide! I hope this little annoying decision-making problem go away soon...it is very much NOT ME!

While I have experienced some of the above problems during the course of taking my medication, and others during the withdrawal, I expected them to be gone within a couple of weeks... They are still with me and it is very discouraging...

I'm hanging in there though...I know it can only get better from here but I wonder about how long it is going to take...

beach-lover@verizon.net
read and sign the EFFEXOR PETITION

Day 34 Some UPS...Some DOWNS

I felt pretty good this morning. Again, no nausea, not dizzy, but I did have some strange dreams...only strange... not frightening. As the day progressed though things went from good to bad and then to worse and I almost wished... (at one point I DID wish), that I was on the Effexor again. This reminds me of the addiction I had with nicotine which I conquered 3 years ago. I have to keep telling myself that this too, is an addiction, and there will be some rough times.... (And I need to listen to myself when I’m talking too! :-)

I never cried like this when I was taking my pills....but now I cry for the littlest reason or sometimes, for NO REASON AT ALL! I want to quit that...


Hubby had to work today (and will have to again tomorrow), so that makes for a long weekend. I managed to get a lot done at home today (house stuff... NOT what I wanted to be doing...which is my RESEARCH!) I did get some shopping done and when hubby got off we met in town and had pizza (while we were waiting for my temperamental car to start). I picked up some DQ on the way home. Yes, I know...it’s time to stop being hungry for JUNK FOOD but I still am. Monday is my day though...I start eating better and exercising.

Oh, I read an article that Niacin Supplements and Folic Acid help with mood swings and depression...I checked on getting some but the dosages they suggested are already included in my daily multi.

I guess they should already be doing their thing huh?

beach-lover@verizon.net
read and sign the EFFEXOR PETITION

Day 33 Please Take The Tears Away...

I am still having a lot of~~~ UNEXPLAINED CRYING~~~...I really hate it!
There’s absolutely NO REASON for this but I am told by some of you that you had this too...it seems like it is dragging on too long but do we really know?

I am also quite concerned about my eyesight. I am certain that I will have to have a BIG change in my prescription. I will be going in next month for a thorough eye exam but since it will be at a new office (we have moved since my last exam), I am going to contact my old eye Dr. and ask for my records to be sent so that the new Dr. can compare them and will be able to tell me to what degree they have changed.

If any of you has had blurred vision or other eye problems since you began taking Effexor (or any other antidepressant), I would appreciate your sharing that information. I might suggest also, that if you are due for an appointment you might ask for a comparison to YOUR LAST EXAM so you can see how much change has taken place.

I am almost convinced that ONE of the long term effects from taking these medications is going to be that changes in VISION will be permanent!

Oh, EYE hope not....but EYE am afraid it may be so.... :-(

beach-lover@verizon.net
read and sign the EFFEXOR PETITION

Day 32 I am feeling better and yet others are begging for HELP!

I’m not nauseous today and I didn’t have dreams or the severe thirst last night...
3 great breakthroughs at once! :-)

I am hearing some very sad stories from users who have tried to quit and are either struggling with the withdrawal or after-effects or have gone back on their Effexor or other antidepressant. I am shocked to hear from so many who have actually been prescribed “cocktails” (which are a COMBINATION of antidepressants). They were not told about side effects or specifically, side-effects which could occur with the combination...Do the Doctor’s know enough to truthfully inform us? I don’t really think so.

I am still trying to get around to answering many of your letters...please keep writing and please bear with me in the answering. I am also working online for a few hours each day now, on my research again so my hours are well spent but pass too quickly :-)

I hope that I feel like starting my membership at the fitness center next Monday as I went out today and bought some new running shoes just for the occasion...
(I have never owned a pair of running shoes in my life! :-) Now, if I can just keep the nausea and dizziness at bay I should be able to get in at least an hour or so a day of real PHYSICAL work :-) as I am really looking forward to shedding the extra 40 lbs. I have gained! (Thanks again for THAT Wyeth!)

If you are reading this and you know of someone who may have an insight to share that will help in my research ( Antidepressants from the USER’S Point of view), please give them my email...and again, I PROMISE to get to each and every one of your letters soon!

beach-lover@verizon.net
read and sign the EFFEXOR PETITION

Day 31 Those pesky taxes have come and gone :-)

I struggled but I did it! I got the taxes done and sent online...not so bad...just not what I wanted to be doing!

Today I will go back to my ramblings about my research as I am feeling much better. (I am still waking up every night just parched...What is that all about?)

....After the holidays had passed I returned to my search for answers about Effexor withdrawal. It consumed me once again...I would sit for hours...sometimes an entire day, just reading and book-marking page after page after page. The forums seemed to have an enormous wealth of REAL information and stories coming from REAL PEOPLE!

I followed links to sites about other antidepressant drugs too...Paxil, Zoloft, Prozac, Serzone, Luvox, Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Celexa, Elavil, Norpramin, Tofranil, Aventyl, Pamelor, Pamelor, Remeron, Desyrel, Nardil, Parnate, etc. I was amazed at the things I read with regards to side-effects people were suffering from all of these drugs (which are discussed on-line by MANY), but I saw no mention of them in any of the drug manufactures’ brochures or ads. I was appalled.

I decided then that not only did I have to free MYSELF from the hold of Effexor, and do so right away, I had to do something to help others...Thus my project began.

Each day I receive several letters from users of antidepressant drugs, and from their family members too, some who have seen negative changes in their loved ones since they began taking or started weaning themselves from these horrible antidepressant drugs which I honestly believe were not thoroughly tested before they were released.

I have heard the heartbreaking truths of what some have suffered all because WE WERE NOT GIVEN THE FACTS UPFRONT about the side-effects, withdrawal symptoms, and drug interactions which could possibly result in either long term effects or sadly, DEATH.

I think we have all been lied to by omission of the truth!....

beach-lover@verizon.net
read and sign the EFFEXOR PETITION

Day 30 A Bit DIZZY today...

I slept well...No dreams again! But I woke up with the worst feeling of nausea so far and a dizzy, room-spinning feeling. The dizziness went away shortly but the nausea ...UGH...I just hope I can get through these taxes today...In fact I will try this blog again later but may have to wait until tomorrow if I don’t feel any more like sitting here than I do right now!


beach-lover@verizon.net
read and sign the EFFEXOR PETITION

Day 29 And I’ve Only Just Begun....

I woke up last night and it felt as though I had not consumed ANY FLUIDS for weeks. I got up and drank several glasses of water and then was able to sleep again...and without dreams too!

I am beginning to feel much more like my “old-self” most days, and although all of the symptoms are not COMPLETELY GONE, the ones that do remain, have lessened in their degree of intensity. So, for those of you who are on your way to this point...you may look forward to regaining some control very soon!

I feel a bit more like working on my research today too...That maybe I can focus for a longer period of time... But unfortunately, although I am otherwise very organized and meticulous, I have a terrible habit of waiting to think about the taxes until just before they are due to be in! THIS is where I must focus my efforts (and my thoughts), for the next few days...locating and compiling ALL THAT WHICH IS IMPORTANT TO THE IRS!

Oh how I wish I’d have done this BEFORE WITHDRAWAL!

beach-lover@verizon.net
read and sign the EFFEXOR PETITION

Day 28 Easter Sunday... And a Season of Renewal

Today was beautiful. The sun was shining, it was warm, it felt as if a new life would soon consume me.

I want so very much for this phase to be over. Again though,....I need Patience.

We went out to breakfast this morning, which has become our regular routine on Sundays as it is so often that hubby works 6 days a week and he is a SUNDAY BREAKFAST person...It's something he likes to do! I settled for "comfort food" myself. I actually had some mashed potatoes and gravy...Something I never dare to do because of all this weight but, after the week I have had, I felt I certainly deserved that much. It was good too... Obviously I was NOT NAUSEOUS!

We went for a drive after eating and ended up at the Casino 25 miles away. We stayed for about an hour and came out with about $30.00 more than we had going in, so that was a pleasant surprise, but for me it was just a nice feeling to be out and about. As we were leaving the Casino though, I began to feel dizzy again ... So I took it easy the rest of the day.

Once we got home I sat down to read the mail I have received the past 3 days... On average about 10-15 new people write each day after seeing one of my posts or my Blog. If you are one of them and I have not written back to you please forgive me...I am having trouble staying caught up on my responses. I will try to get to your letter soon!

I appreciate that you are all sharing your stories, helping with my research which many of you have asked about, so I will tell you how my project began...

About a year ago, I started my online search for answers to some medical problems I was having...night sweats, vivid dreams, "electric-like" shocks in my head, just to mention a FEW. I didn't even think to associate my ailments with any medication I was taking, but rather began by checking out a range of illnesses and diseases. I learned quite a bit too...About BRAIN TUMORS, STOMACH CANCER, SYMPTOMS ASSOCIATED WITH MENOPAUSE, AND I WAS ALWAYS RESEARCHING A NEW DIET.

I am not certain how it happened exactly, but one day while I was searching for information on one of my many ailments (and I have never been a hypocondriac), I somehow stumbled onto an article about the side effects of antidepressant drugs. Well, THERE WERE MY ANSWERS... Almost all of the things I was experiencing SINGLY, were now shown in a list COLLECTIVELY, as being SIDE EFFECTS from prescription antidepressant medication.

I couldn't believe my eyes! I spent the next few days in front of my computer and now that I had the "key," I was unlocking all sorts of information. I read and I read and I read. And then, based on all the information I had accumulated... I knew what I had to do...

I would quit taking my Effexor!

I had it planned. I had read some very sketchy descriptions about what "withdrawal" was like. Sketchy, I assumed, because once someone was going through withdrawal, or had gone through it, it was probably not a priority for them to return to the forums and boards and continue posting, to give a full accounting of the process they had experienced. Even after all my reading I still knew very little about withdrawal but I did know that this was not something one should do "COLD TURKEY." In September, after 1 year on Effexor XR, I was ready to start weaning myself off gradually,under my Dr.'s care, of course, when out of nowhere my husband was transferred with his job.

Packing, moving, and unpacking, consumed me for the next 2 months and then, when we had just settled in, the house we were "sitting" miraculously SOLD the day before Thanksgiving. (We were told before moving into this home to plan on staying until the market here picked up in THE SPRING, as we are in SNOW COUNTRY!)

Back to house hunting, packing, moving, and unpacking, not to mention that the Christmas Holiday Season was now upon us and our son and his wife were coming for a week. I couldn't even think about getting off my Effexor now...it would have to wait until after the New Year!

(More on my research tomorrow....)

And thanks to both of my wonderful sons who keep checking in on their mom!

beach-lover@verizon.net
read and sign the EFFEXOR PETITION

Day 27 It's Saturday and I am just ~~~ UNSOCIABLE~~~

I am still nauseous today but the peppermint sticks help. I have a tin of them leftover from the holidays. Nice chunky old-fashioned peppermint sticks. This morning I treated myself to a 1" chunk. By the time it was gone so was that round of nausea. I'm just resting today and dreaming of the day this will all be over and I can return to my "normal" life.

I did want to address something here today though:

There are always going to be those who truly DO NOT UNDERSTAND what happens during withdrawal both emotionally and physically. They have never had, shall we say, the MISFORTUNE to "walk in our shoes" but they will suddenly convince themselves that for some ~~~strange reason~~~ you are trying to IGNORE them by not answering their phone calls.

They're totally unable to understand that the reason you're NOT returning their calls has nothing to do with them PERSONALLY... it's because there are some days in this process, this journey, when YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE!! You have not singled them out for some unknown reason and decided not to answer THEIR calls. You just are not feeling "SOCIABLE", and so you figure you can call them another day. They'll complain though, and then tell you that they KNOW "you are just trying to AVOID them!"

On the other hand, I have a friend who calls me daily to check and see how I am doing. Now, SHE UNDERSTANDS when I don't want to be sociable...and if I don't return her calls she just calls again the next day and offers her thoughts and prayers. No questions, no accusations....A true friend!

I guess some people will never understand what it's like to live through "withdrawal" and I hope they never have to find out for themselves!

beach-lover@verizon.net
read and sign the EFFEXOR PETITION

Day 26 Dizzy and Nauseous... UGH!

I guess it was too good to be true! I thought after the great day I had yesterday that I would shortly be "Back on the Road Again"...Well, not yet I guess:-(

Patience is a virtue I know, but I am just not a very patient person...I do need to work on that!

I was really hungry this morning...I ate some toast and had orange juice early.
Then I had a blended iced mocha... WAS THAT LUNCH?
Must have been, because the next thing I knew it was 7 PM and I guess I really hadn't eaten anything all afternoon. I felt hungry (if that's possible while waves of nausea sweep over you...), so I decided to have a nice greasy piece of pizza hubby brought home tonight....

PLEASE NOTE:THIS NOT THE BEST IDEA IN THE WORLD IF YOU ARE THE LEAST BIT NAUSEOUS :-)

I am paying for that short moment of stupidity and am drinking a bit of Peppermint Tea. All I want to do now is climb into bed and curl up in the fetal position and go to sleep!

(I wonder what causes you to be nauseous during the withdrawal process?...I will have to check that out...Surely there's an answer as I have heard about that in DETOX centers for drug and alcohol addicts going through withdrawal. I will check on that one....)

Below is the request I have posted on some of the online forums and boards. Many of you have already sent in your response but for those who are seeing this for the first time....

Feel free to pass it on to friends and family, if you see that it would be pertinent to them, and send me your own answers too, if you haven't already done so.

Also, if any of you has a favorite (subject-related), board, forum, or newsgroup and you haven't seen it posted there, send me the link or page to it I'll be happy to submit it.
It will help immensely with my research...

Thanks again for all of your support and as soon as this nausea passes I'll be back.....(Right now it's hard to sit and look at this screen :-)

I am doing research for an upcoming book which will shed light on the problems associated with legally prescribed anti-depressant drugs and would be interested in hearing stories from anyone about their experiences with these drugs.

If you are the user of an anti-depressant medication yourself, or, if you are a family member or friend of someone who has used or is currently using anti-depressants, your personal perspective is important in this research.

I would like information concerning how and when you, (or they), started using the prescribed medication, the name and dosage, (if known), and also for what illness or condition the medication was prescribed.

Other important information for this research would cover side effects, which would include, but not be limited to, odd or strange feelings or actions encountered during the drug's use.

Additionally, if you, (or they), are now in the withdrawal stages, (or have been in the past), any information on length of time, dosage decreases, feelings, overall condition of health, etc. would be beneficial to my research.

If you are interested in sharing any portion or all of this information with me, I welcome your email to:
beach-lover@verizon.net

I addition, if you have any questions please feel free to drop me a line at the same address.

Thanks!

deb

beach-lover@verizon.net
read and sign the EFFEXOR PETITION

Day 25 And So Much Better... Than The Day Before

The~~~foggy~~~feeling lifted today. I no longer feel as if I am walking through the eye of the storm,
but rather nearing the outer edge.

I felt so much better...It's a stark difference with the way the world revolved for me yesterday!

Oh, I'm still having the "ZAPZ" (I like the Z on the end :-), and last night I woke up just drenched from sweating. The tingling in my extremities is pretty much focused only on the hand and wrist of the "carpal tunnel syndrome", and I still forget that sudden quick movements leave a part of me behind, but I am able to do a few things now without the intense concentration and focus which was required these past few days. and that, for me, is encouraging!

More email today. It amazes me that so many people have actually written, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart... It's from those words of encouragement you send and even just the thought that you took the time out of your day to check in, that continue to give me strength.

I am gaining many new insights into this "crisis". (This is what I will call it today).

It's effecting people worldwide, not just here in the US. (I know this because I have actually received letters from the UK as well as the US).

This is not a "female" antidepressant drug issue, as many men have written too.
Believe me when I say ...these drugs are actually being prescribed for a host of ailments...
many which have NOTHING to do with DEPRESSION!

And age seems to make little difference.
I have received letters from persons who range in age
from 17 to 64!


Yes,all of us not only thought, but EXPECTED that when our doctors prescribed our antidepressant medication, that it had been thoroughly tested and that those results were documented on the inserts or that our DOCTOR himself, was informed enough to have given us any information we needed....THIS IS JUST NOT SO!!!

Because of the "non-information", "untruths", "failure to inform", (or whatever you want to call the cover-ups which make these big drug companies MONEY), many innocent lives have been lost, touched or harmed.

Take for instance, the parents of the poor children (merely teenagers), who have committed suicide while on one of these horrible drugs...Parents who listened to their children's doctors,...Parents who didn't think they had to question the drug maker about side effects or any other harmful effects for that matter. (Who would have thought?)
Now today, they suffer a loss many of us will never know...The loss of an innocent child!

AND THIS SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED...

The policies (and politics), of these GIANT MONEY MAKING DRUG MANUFACTURERS MUST BE BROUGHT TO LIGHT AGAIN AND AGAIN.... AND THEY MUST BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR WHAT THEY HAVE DONE OVER AND OVER AND WHAT THEY CONTINUE TO DO...
TO INNOCENT PRESCRIPTION DRUG USERS...Specifically those using antidepressants!

I have to admit that I have never been one to stand up and shout about my rights or the rights of others, but, after I started doing my research, (which originally began for my own information... to help answer some questions I had about the drug Effexor),
and after the things that I have uncovered during the past few weeks while living my own private HELL with withdrawal, combined with the letters I am receiving due to my log and the posts I have made to the forums and boards...
I know now that more of us, (MYSELF INCLUDED), need to TAKE ACTION...We need to stand up and protest for our right to know more about the medications we are prescribed BEFORE WE TAKE EVEN ONE PILL!

beach-lover@verizon.net
read and sign the EFFEXOR PETITION

Day 24 The Hardest Day Yet.... But I DID NOT GO BACK! :-)

I had absolutely no idea what “withdrawal” was all about.

I thought I did.

I imagined what it MIGHT be like.

I did my research.

I read through the Drug and Mental Health FORUMS online too. (Some entries were from those who’d finally “made it” in getting off their antidepressant...while many were from those who are still trying). I’ve also read lots of emails from those who’ve seen my journal and are checking in to share their own stories and to wish me luck. Strangers have written to me about feeling helpless...feeling like a JUNKIE. I read that and moved on.

All of these things, and the love from my family and friends gave me the strength to embark on my journey but none of them prepared me for today.

I wasn’t prepared.

Not physically.

Not mentally.

I really had NO IDEA this journey would be so difficult.

The morning was an emotional roller coaster...one minute I thought I was doing well and then out of no-where a feeling would come over me and I’d want more than anything to go BACK on the Effexor.

Can you believe it? I Can’t! Not even now that I’m writing it down...

I could feel myself breaking down several times late in the morning and for fleeting moments my mind would race with thoughts of taking a pill. I guess I was thinking if I did break down and take one then I’d be better in just a little while, that this horrible fog would lift and I’d feel “NORMAL” again.

Why did I think this?

Because that’s what I’ve always done.

When I’d forget to take my pill in the past, I’d notice feeling “funny” within a few hours of missing it. (Feeling “funny” was always hard to describe before, but now I know it as a withdrawal symptom...a sort of disoriented “out of your body” feeling, along with a bit of “brain zapping” and some general “lightheadedness”).

Well, after I’d “get my little fix”, (aka “take my little pill”), I’d be back to feeling my usual pleasant, happy, self within 2-4 hours.

So, in my weak moments before noon, I guess I was sub-consciously remembering how much better I felt while I was taking my pills and I was blocking out the reason for my journey, all the terrible side effects associated with taking these pills and why I need to be free of them.

Yes, I am an addict.

I am addicted to a legally prescribed antidepressant drug.

While accepting this label is heart-breaking for me... ... it will sound pretty strange, even sad, for my friends and family to hear it coming from this person who has always been so strong. It is the truth though.


Well, I guess I should have paid better attention to those people who insisted they felt like a JUNKIE because while I stood in front of the kitchen cabinet, late this afternoon, holding the door open, I started to sob... I sobbed just like a junkie who needed a fix.

I could see my old Effexor bottle in there... with probably 14 capsules or so left of the 75mg. strength. Why did I save them? I guess I thought if things got too tough I’d have them to save me. They were my crutch and I was thinking just like an addict and had left them there on purpose...just in case!

Anyway, there I stood.... all alone....just ME....thinking that no one had to know...that I could just take one to get me by. All I wanted was to do was to reach in there and grab that bottle, open it and take one of my pills. Ah....MY PILLS...

I started shaking and crying even harder. I held on tight to the cabinet door and as if in a trance I started thinking....about my family and friends who are supporting my efforts in this journey, and thinking too, about how these money hungry drug manufacturers haven’t been telling us the whole truth and about how it’s quite possible that they don’t even know the whole truth themselves. I thought about how we, the users, are their test subjects and how no one’s testing these drugs long enough to know what withdrawal is about, what the long term effects may be, and how they’re simply ignoring the fact that people just like me, are living through days in HELL to get off of them!

As I stood there, shaking, gripping that door, I was suddenly overcome with a sense of extreme exhaustion. Exhaustion from the emotions I was experiencing right then and exhaustion from expending so much energy in doing the simplest everyday tasks these past few days. With tears still streaming down my face I let go of the door, pushed it closed, and walked away to sit down at the table.

In just a few moments the shaking and sobbing stopped and as I sat there I thought about what had just about happened. I had actually almost given in. Almost reached inside and picked up the bottle, almost taken another pill.

I took a deep breath and I realized that I had to get past this point and through this withdrawal so that I can focus on my work and on my research.

A great feeling of peace soon surrounded me, as I sat alone, deep in my thoughts. I felt as if a very heavy burden had been lifted from my being. A physical relief was accompanied by a strong feeling that I had passed through a very critical moment in my journey.

After what I have gone through today I can honestly say that drug addiction is the scariest thing that can happen to ANYONE. And even though I knew in my heart that turning back to the Effexor was not the answer...I know that SOMEONE ELSE intervened and led me away just in time.

Having experienced what I have, I now feel a much deeper compassion for alcoholics who are trying to rid themselves of their drug of choice, and for the addicts of illegal drugs as well, who steal and even kill to “get their fix”. Addiction is a sad, lonely, very frightening feeling. So for those of you who are reading this, and have never been to the place where I have returned from today, you will probably never understand, but for those of you who have traveled this journey yourself, I know you must feel as I do...
As we have truly “walked in their shoes”.

Today was a Very LONG and extremely exhausting day, both mentally and physically.

Many thanks to all my well-wishers, (both callers and mailers), who checked in.
(I wonder how you knew that it would be the hardest day of my journey so far?)
And, if we didn’t get to chat for long today, or even at all...
I felt your presence and God answered your prayers as He was with me!

Love to you all...
Goodnight!

beach-lover@verizon.net
read and sign the EFFEXOR PETITION

Day 23 The DAYTIME Nightmare has begun and NO, it was NOT all better in the morning! :-)

Trying to focus on anything today has been almost impossible. I have to look long and hard at the computer screen and then after a few seconds, (which sometimes honestly, seems like minutes), I can finally remember what I want to type. The same is true of watching TV or trying to do even the easiest tasks.

I have decided that the reason I felt more~~~ normal~~~ on Saturday and Sunday must have been from the build up of these toxic chemicals...That some of it was still inside even though I was no longer taking my Effexor. Sure, a few of the withdrawal symptoms began then, but they were mild.... not at all like yesterday and today. I am really feeling everything more intensely now.

The mosquitoes were back with a vengeance today! :-) I am so grateful that in my research I found out that others described a feeling they had as "brain zaps" and "brain shivers" so I knew what to expect and therefore I was not at all surprised when I felt them. This way it doesn't frighten me like some who have written to say it did them. It's annoying for sure. But each time it happens, I merely try to ignore it...to not become consumed by it...To just block it out and continue on as if nothing strange is happening inside my head :-) :-) :-)
(Easier said than done but I keep trying anyway!

I've received more letters the past two days from people who have either seen my posts on the forums or have run into this journal. Everyone is so supportive... from these total strangers, to my loving family and friends who knew that I would be traveling down this road and supported me at the onset,

YOU ARE ALL THE REASONS I KEEP ON GOING!!!
I thought of each and every one of you tonight, after another weak moment when I thought again about turning back. But once I ridded myself of those ~~~ silly~~~ tears, I marched right in and took a nice hot bath...
leaving that ~~~CRAZY THOUGHT~~~ behind, but carrying the wishes from all of you with me!

I know I have to keep going...I know I can keep going ....AND I know I will keep going....

beach-lover@verizon.net
read and sign the EFFEXOR PETITION

Day 22 In the Mad Mad Mad World of "Coming Down"

"It Will Be All Better in the Morning"

Today I was alone as hubby returned to work after the weekend. I slept in a bit and since I work at home that's okay for me to do but others "coming off of Effexor" would probably want to take this 3rd day without it... Off from work.

I really felt like a zombie when I got out of bed this morning...A bit like I was "~~~drugged~~~". I spent a while on the computer and then as I was to go help a friend decorate for a baby shower, I started getting ready. The strange feeling while brushing my hair was back again, and as I stood in front of the mirror I had to concentrate on focusing my eyes to keep from feeling dizzy.

I finally got myself ready and when I arrived at my friends house, (yes, I drove...but carefully and without any problem at all), she had made an early lunch for us. I was~~~ STARVING~~~. It was like I hadn't eaten in days when in reality I HAD eaten breakfast. Being that hungry scares me as I have gained over 40 lbs. while on Effexor so I was hoping my appetite would decrease not increase! (Maybe it still will...) After we ate lunch we drove over to her church where we were to do the decorating. I had to really concentrate on every little thing I did while we were setting up tables and placing the decorations...I don't know quite how to explain what that's like. I felt like I was in a "daze," although I was able to speak and act in a normal functional manner. If you have ever experimented with, (heaven forbid), "illegal" drugs in your youth...I would have to liken this "dazed" feeling I have, to the "coming down" feeling one might feel from speed, uppers or other amphetamines if you are familiar with those drugs.... If not...you will soon see what I mean if you are embarking on a journey similar to this yourself.

I had two short bouts where I began to feel bit nauseous this afternoon too. On both occasions as I felt the "wave" come over me, I concentrated on breathing slowly, sipped some water, and told myself I was not going to go there:-) (I guess I heard myself too as I was able to will it away in both instances!) Whew...Nothing I hate more than throwing up!

Tonight I really started feeling the brain zaps...They almost feel and sound like there's a mosquito that buzzes intermittently inside your head. These zaps are actually a bit different than the zaps I felt when I first started taking Effexor. I won't say milder ...just different. I will have to think about how to describe them....But that will take concentration...And I am too tired to concentrate that intensely any longer tonight...

I guess I'd have to say that the worst part for me today was the unexplained bouts of crying (I did a bit of it before I left the house this morning and then had another short bout when I came home this afternoon). Maybe it's because this whole withdrawal process is taking every bit of my being to negotiate. During the moments preceding the tears I start to feel like I don't want to go through with this...That it's too much... But then I know I have to. Maybe a good night's sleep will help.... And maybe...

"It will be all better in the morning" :-)

beach-lover@verizon.net
read and sign the EFFEXOR PETITION

Day 21 of Withdrawal....DAY 2 of my NEW LIFE....

A Much More Difficult Day Today.

Today we went into the city and had breakfast. Throughout the day I had several spells of starting to say something and then forgetting what it was. That is worrisome!

I noticed the strange feeling about my head again while brushing my hair this morning. It's a pulling feeling that I have described in the past. A pulling away of the scalp from the brain. It's not painful really,...Just a very odd feeling which is difficult to describe. I try to ignore it!

I found that I had to concentrate much harder on things today...The menu at the restaurant for instance... Things don't seem to "click" like usual. It is a "slowing down" sensation.... I guess I would say it's as if at times things are moving in a bit of slow motion...Including ME!

I was awfully tired most of the day...I yawned a lot too. Several times I felt like I was about to drop off to sleep at any moment (thankfully not while I was driving :-)

I am off to bed now and will see what another day brings....

beach-lover@verizon.net
read and sign the EFFEXOR PETITION

DAY 20 in the process...DAY 1 of DETOX

Long day today.

No pill this morning and it wasn't until late in the day that my body started telling me that I had missed a dose....And then it reminded me rather mildly.

Only a few short-term memory losses too...Trying to remember what I was starting to say but couldn't ...And what I had come into the house for...I finally did remember that!

No other noticeable withdrawal effects today....

Tomorrow is another day...Wondering what it will bring..... Off to bed now...I feel EXHAUSTED!!!!

beach-lover@verizon.net
read and sign the EFFEXOR PETITION

Day 19 Another Day in Paradise...The Day Before "DETOX"

Today has been another day of reflection...Of where I have been...And where I am going.

A day of apprehension for sure.....

Apprehension in not knowing where this journey will lead me... Or how I will feel along the way.

It has also been a day of prayer...

Praying for the strength to make the journey, as I know I must, and praying too that I will not lose sight of the reward that awaits me...

Thankful prayers too... That I have my hubby to be with me these first 2 days... That I may find strength in his presence. Thankful prayers also, of family and friends who are supporting my efforts and who are praying for my safe journey.

I've prepared myself for the next 2 days by making plans to keep busy....
Plans for Saturday: Clean the garage (which will certainly take all day:-)
Plans for Sunday: Out to breakfast and locate the cemetery in Spokane where hubby's great Aunt and Uncle are buried and take photos of the headstones for family back home. Then...Do what I feel like doing shopping, walking, etc., (as this will be day 2 after all).

Let's see what tomorrow brings.....
I am ready now.....

beach-lover@verizon.net
read and sign the EFFEXOR PETITION

Day 18 Wondering if we know what the INTERACTIONS with other medications really are???

I can’t say that today was good or bad. ~~~No dreams, but just that groggy feeling~~~ .
Not happy...not sad either…just “along for the ride” today! :-)

It was a day of reflection though. I thought a lot about what my life has been like for the past 1 ½ years while I have been taking the Effexor. It was a day of reflecting too, on all the mail I have received from others, who like myself, have in some way been affected by the consequences of these horrible anti-depressant drugs.

It was with great sadness that I read a letter just this morning from a man who had lost his wife less than 6 months ago. He wrote that she had been taking a combination of over 10 prescribed drugs, (for various reasons), so, not all of them were antidepressants. Among them were though; an anti convulsive drug, a sleeping pill, Remeron, (an antidepressant), Effexor XR, (another antidepressant), Risperdal, ( the most frequently prescribed antipsychotic medication in the US), a nasal spray, (which is used to relieve moderate to severe pain), a commonly prescribed medication for relief of migraine headache pain, a blood pressure medication, a prescription strength acid reflex medication, and another commonly prescribed pain reliever with codeine.

It made me wonder if drug companies may also be holding back any information and not disclosing everything they know about the interactions these antidepressant drugs may have with other common, (and not so common) medications, which are prescribed every day for an arrray of other illnesses both physical or mental???

That is certainly something else to wonder about…
How just how LONG are these medications tested for interactions???

beach-lover@verizon.net
read and sign the EFFEXOR PETITION